Where Have I Been All of Your Life?

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Where ever she is, I’m probably with her.  Sorry for the drop off.  You know when your driving and your like, shit where the hell am I going.. that’s kinda how I’ve been navigating life.  Compartmentalizing has been failing me, probably because all of my compartments are full.  Not one, but Both Grandpa’s health is on the fritz, my own uterus is trying to sabotage me and I’m not sure where my other rainbow sandal is.  The sandal may seem minuscule but it seems to be the most concrete issue, for today.

I’ll elaborate a bit on my uterus problems (choose to skip ahead if you wish).  It’s no secret that “I get it from my mama”,  but there are (more than) a few things I’m hoping I got from my dad.   My tterus and my boobs, mostly.  Tam had breast cancer, twice (She is a stud).  As of late my uterus has been trying to pry itself out of me with a crow bar, and my boobs are pretty much on the same page (glad someone is).  So I go to see the Gyno (yay)..Sean came and held my hand…He even left work to be there with me (KING!) and long story short, I leave with a referral for a mammogram, an ultrasound (not the baby kind) and an appointment with her boss for further discussion.

Let me ask you, If someone could tell you if you were (possibly) going to get cancer, would you want to know? Your immediate answer was probably, “Duh!”.  Well leave it to me to say “Fuck That”.  Since I got my first training bra, I have had it rightfully drilled into me that regular breast exams and knowing your body is at the top of the to do list.  I get it, my risk of cancer is like 100. But with this knowledge, I am already so vigilant about it, why do I want one more “gene” test telling me what I already know.  Which brings me to my “Brca-Brca-1-9” question.  Do I or don’t I.  I have always thought, why get tested, I’m already aware it’s possible, why (possibly) have one more reason to sit around and wait for cancer to show up.  Well, Im going to get the damn test.  It was really important to my husband to have the information and I know (whatever the results may be) it will only help me stay on top of my check ups.  When it comes to catching cancer, trust me I’ll have reflexes like a cat.  On the uterus side of things, I am in so much pain I am sure this is some sort of karma I’m paying for.  Whatever It was that I did, seriously, I’m sorry, just make it stop.  Although you cannot have a for sure diagnosis of endometriosis without having surgery, all signs are pointing, blinking, neon glowing, and shouting YES!  The pain I have been in is debilitating.  Let me put it this way, I was walking Gypsy the other day, and basically crawled home and almost puked in my neighbor’s front yard because I was in so much pain.  It’s just not right.

So, I’m sorry for probably telling you way too much about my lady bits, but that’s why I’ve been MIA.  Im trying to manage pain, cancer (not me), kidney failure (not me), a weak heart (also not me), a puppy, and not knowing what time it is.  I promise to stay close, you don’t know it yet, but you really are helping. Sometimes It helps just to type it.  Thanks for being here for me.

Before I go, Have you ever smoked a cigarette? I have.  (less than 5 times in my life, relax).  It’s the grossest, most disgusting thing possible, and yet sometimes people crave them.  And ya know what, it might just help.  I wouldn’t recommend this on the daily, but today I had a craving.  A craving for a Frappachino.  A Mocha Frappachino.  I haven’t had a frappachino (or a cigarette) in years.  And I did it.  I ordered a mocha frappachino (with whip) and I enjoyed the hell out of it.  So like I said, I don’t agree with it on the regular but don’t forget, sometimes ya just have to unplug your iPhone charger and use the cigarette lighter for its intended purpose because you’re stressed out God, dammit!

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